It got hard, and it gets harder.
Life's been difficult living. And it might not mean much when I say this, but I'm in a state where I can't grasp what comes. Not accepting, but grasping. I've stopped doing the things I used to do, and thank God, I've not started doing things I shouldn't be doing at all.
School got harder, in many aspects. Naturally, the most obvious being the literal meaning of school - Books, tests and plenty more information to be crammed in my cerebral hemispheres. I battled, doubted and questioned my character, personality and even challenged myself to change, thinking that I needed to. And in the midst of all that, I figured one thing. I didn't want to change. For all I knew, I could no longer try or attempt, because I went against myself and God. Then, it came to me. I didn't need to change one bit of me.
I don't think stress played a part, it was more of pressure than anything. Maybe influence came alongside as well.
For once, I found it so hard to be me.
I began to see myself in (possibily), three different lights and I couldn't hold all three together. They just couldn't fit together and I resented that, a lot. It came down really hard on me and I struggled to keep myself in line. That's the difference with this world and the world that's inside you. One tells and shows you what society thinks you should be and deems you as while the other, belongs solely to you and God. So I asked myself, which one?
John 15: 18-19
v18 If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.
v19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
At the end of the day, I chose. Because,
Matthew 16: 26
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?
Dr Phil Pringle preached about being a happy Christian, because God meets with him who rejoices! If God gets the blame for what goes wrong, He should get all the credit for all that goes right.
Right now, I need to fight much harder. Harder, because I chose the world that requires more than just my attention. I chose the world that requires sacrifice. And obedience is better than sacrifice. So, I chose. In God's word it said, to choose for yourself this day whom you shall serve - I chose You, God :) Because there in Your word, it also told me that You chose me out of this world to be able to live in the world that I've come to love and hold close to me.
That was a great load off my spirit. Now's the part about living it right again. It will take a lot, but I won't compromise.
And my eyes, they look, unto You always
And I am captured by Your majesty
All of my days, I will sing of Your greatness
All of my days, I will speak of Your grace
All of my days, I will tell of Your wonderous love
Of Your love in my life, Your love
School got harder, in many aspects. Naturally, the most obvious being the literal meaning of school - Books, tests and plenty more information to be crammed in my cerebral hemispheres. I battled, doubted and questioned my character, personality and even challenged myself to change, thinking that I needed to. And in the midst of all that, I figured one thing. I didn't want to change. For all I knew, I could no longer try or attempt, because I went against myself and God. Then, it came to me. I didn't need to change one bit of me.
I don't think stress played a part, it was more of pressure than anything. Maybe influence came alongside as well.
For once, I found it so hard to be me.
I began to see myself in (possibily), three different lights and I couldn't hold all three together. They just couldn't fit together and I resented that, a lot. It came down really hard on me and I struggled to keep myself in line. That's the difference with this world and the world that's inside you. One tells and shows you what society thinks you should be and deems you as while the other, belongs solely to you and God. So I asked myself, which one?
John 15: 18-19
v18 If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.
v19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
At the end of the day, I chose. Because,
Matthew 16: 26
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?
Dr Phil Pringle preached about being a happy Christian, because God meets with him who rejoices! If God gets the blame for what goes wrong, He should get all the credit for all that goes right.
Right now, I need to fight much harder. Harder, because I chose the world that requires more than just my attention. I chose the world that requires sacrifice. And obedience is better than sacrifice. So, I chose. In God's word it said, to choose for yourself this day whom you shall serve - I chose You, God :) Because there in Your word, it also told me that You chose me out of this world to be able to live in the world that I've come to love and hold close to me.
That was a great load off my spirit. Now's the part about living it right again. It will take a lot, but I won't compromise.
And my eyes, they look, unto You always
And I am captured by Your majesty
All of my days, I will sing of Your greatness
All of my days, I will speak of Your grace
All of my days, I will tell of Your wonderous love
Of Your love in my life, Your love
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